so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
