Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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