I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
