my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
