There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
