Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
