who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
