textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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