Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
