my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
