Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
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No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
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You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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