I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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