I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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