i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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