chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
