Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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