The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
