Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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