I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
