READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
