i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
