i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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