Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
