That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
