maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
