If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
