I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
