She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
