I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
