Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
