Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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