i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
