At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
