I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
