I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
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the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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