i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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