I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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