you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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