Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
