Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
