Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
