the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
