My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
