Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Apparently you make a good broom.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
