It's like a parade of train wrecks.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
