yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
