I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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