In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
