Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
