writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
