Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
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I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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