just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
