my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
