There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
