ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Are we in a gay sports bar?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
