new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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