pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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