I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
