I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
