i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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