clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
