you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
