false alarm. still invincible.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
