Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
