That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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