I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
