In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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