They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
