well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
