he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
