last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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