I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
