He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
