I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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