Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
