Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
